Writing this atory sure did come on a bumpy road :-).
All because of the subject “Thinking I have to prove myself” with feelings of jalousie and anger. I just could not put my finger on it..what was going on? I was doing so fine, did just start this fine blog, renewed my website and I started writing this articles for a dutch e-newspaper ”Spiritueel Enzo” ( www.spritueelenzo.nl ) People react very enthousiasticly on this and I really love doing it. So..no reason for comparing or getting myself down you would think!
But..those articles..they almost come “by itself”. I did not really have to do much for it..and I do get all those compliments! That cannot be right…can it..? So.. well..my subconscious started drastically to look for all kind of reasons why “easy” was really not alright! Are you crazy.
..life should be tough! Otherwise…my old pattern ” I have to proof myself I am good enough” would be out of a job!..Tssss..old patterns without a job..they start to give hammock .
So unconsciously I started to sabotage myself again. Like with writing this aricle…sentences which did not flow right, subjects which I made more heavy as necessary etc. I did start to compare myself with others who seemingly could write everything they wanted..without any trouble. Tss…the circle was round again. I did add jealously to this soup and off course also anger, because it did not go the way I wanted it to go
And this is how we end up with Holly.
Holly ( bachremedies)has everything to do with this pattern. Anger and being jealous, comparing with others, angry some else is doing something better, more easily, has just that..what you want TOO etc. The biggest one is still to come..judgment on all those feelings.
Because all those feelings…are not done in our “society” . Who shows to much anger….aiaiaia..that’s a bad one. You better stay away from her/him. Or when children are jealous of each other, they are taught very quickly that is not o.k. to be, to feel like that. Because it does not fit in the ideal looking picture we have created for ourselves. Play nicely….that’s the right way to be.
This way it can happen that you will do anything to proof yourself and others that you ARE a good person..that you ARE good enough to be loved. This can often give a complete different picture of how you really are. After a while..you do not see anymore..that all that time you where already perfect , just the way you are. Also being angry or jealous. It is just a part of being human.
By ignoring such strong feelings for a long time, pressure can build up till a point it just want to be let out. When that is not possible..it just build up more and more..the balance is really gone.
When you notice with yourself that you have trouble with this kind of feelings as anger and jealously, maybe Holly from the bachremedies can help you in this.
Both emotions( and every other emotion as well) are nothing more as what they are..just an emotion. Emotions are a perfect way to show us, what we are running into.
An emotion is the wave in the water and the water has its own rhythm with the ties and the moon. All what is a part of us, all is reflected in the water. Everything is allowed to be the way it is.
So jealous?? O.k…that is a part of me too. What is this trying to tell me now?? Oh..I am a little uncertain about myself? Or maybe I think I am not as good as everybody else?? o.k…I got the message, it is not true.. because I am good enough, the way I am.
Someone once told me ” You do not have to proof yourself, because you ARE already a fine human being” That line comes back to me every now and then and in this kind of situations it is pretty handy 
Have a very nice day!
Ellen
And do not forget….you are allowed to be who you are..RIGHT NOW..so also your old patterns are o.k. to be here. You do not have to be able to do everything suddenly ”right”, it is a process. It is called life.
Every insight, gives a new change to choose what you want right now, who you want to be right now.
xxxx